Why Do Some Unhappy Couples Stay Together?
Romantic relationships are one of the most important parts of our life. For many of us, success in love is as important if not more important than professional success or with our family. However, it is not easy to have a relationship that works perfectly. This is why many unhappy couples are satisfied with a situation that is not optimal, and continue together despite the problems.
We will see in this article the main reasons why unhappy couples avoid breaking up, even when they are not well together.
What are the reasons why unhappy couples stay together?
We all know (or have known) at least one couple who don’t work out but who, despite everything, don’t decide to break up. Moreover, although relationship psychology is still in full development, the answer to the question of why unhappy couples stay together has featured prominently in her research.
According to different studies, the most common reasons for continuing a relationship, even when it causes pain, are:
- Reasons external to the relationship itself
- Religious reasons
- Existence of a strong commitment
- The illusion of sunk cost
Let’s see each of them.
1- Reasons outside the relationship itself
One of the main reasons for not breaking up mentioned by most unhappy couples is the existence of external factors, such as lack of money or having children together. Because ending the relationship would cause great suffering in view of these external factors. So that the couple decides to continue the relationship if this is a source of negative emotions at the moment.
However, doing so often avoids having to deal with greater pain in the short term in exchange for prolonging it over time. For example, most couples who only stay together for the sake of their children end up doing them more harm than good in the long run. Therefore, it is often worth looking for a solution to the external factors that may keep the relationship going, even if the relationship has stopped working for some time.
2- Religious reasons
Another of the main reasons that many unhappy couples stay together are religious beliefs. In countries where the Catholic religion is very important, for example, divorce rates are much lower than those who are like secular.
It has to do with the religious belief that marriage is something sacred. So breaking it is one of the worst things a couple can do. Therefore, married Catholics often would rather be unhappy in their relationship than do such a terrible act (for them) when love disappears.
3- Existence of a strong commitment
Not all unhappy couples who decide to continue the relationship do so because of external factors, such as money or religion. In some cases, the main reason for continuing a dying relationship is the strong commitment between the two members of the couple.
According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the most accepted among psychologists for explaining how relationships work, one of the components of love is commitment. Although the presence of the other two components (intimacy and passion) is usually necessary for a strong relationship to exist, there is one type of love that is based solely on commitment: empty love.
This type of bond is sometimes enough to maintain a relationship despite the problems that the couple may be suffering.
4- The illusion of sunk cost
One of the cognitive biases that can hurt us the most is the sunk cost illusion. It is about believing that because we have already put a lot of resources and effort into something, we have to persevere even though it is obvious that it is not working. It happens to a lot of players and happens to us in real life.
The sunk cost illusion can hurt us in many areas. In relationships, it can cause us to fight for a relationship that no longer works because we’ve been together for a long time. This may sound great in theory, but in practice it will make us more and more resentful towards our spouse and we will distance ourselves even further from them.
Therefore, if you feel tempted to get on with your partner just because you’ve been with them for a long time, remember that sometimes it’s better to suffer a little in the short term than for a long time.
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