When Parents Disappoint Their Children
We often talk about how children disappoint their parents. However, when it is their turn to disappoint them, voluntarily or not, a more invisible veil falls on reality. Thus, aspects such as lack of respect, support, care or protection are silent sequelae that often accompany us into adulthood, in the form of injuries and deficiencies.
We know that raising a child is not an easy task. The challenges are numerous and the help few; the best parents receive no awards and the worst have no penalties. Failures, like successes, remain imprinted in the lives of children in a silent way and in the secrecy of the family environment. Later, these little ones will grow up and mature considering all the things they have experienced in a good way or in a bad way.
Moreover, and this is a rather curious point, it should be noted that on average, many parents tend to overestimate the influence they have on their children. As a study conducted at Stanford University’s Department of Psychology explains, we often overlook the impact certain behaviors can have, the type of language used, or even the way a father or mother treats. other people outside the family circle.
Raising a child is about much more than meeting basic needs. A child also feeds on what he sees, what he hears and what he feels. Nothing is left to chance. Everything is processed and integrated in the form of brands or positive growth impulses …
When parents disappoint their own children
Love is not always enough when it comes to starting a family. You also have to know how to love. Sometimes the disproportionate affection drifts into overprotection which hinders the emotional and personal development of the child. Other times, this love that always seeks to offer the best things to the child results in an upbringing marked by strict guidelines, inflexible orders and authoritarian behavior.
Parents disappoint their children in different ways. They are not even aware of it most of the time, for a very simple reason: they have a biased and very little educational view of what affection is. Thus, the intelligent love of parents for their children is one that encourages growth in every sense of the word. And, more particularly, an emotional, psychological growth. One that allows you to develop autonomy and create a safe and happy identity.
Although these parents often do the best they can, it is not enough. And they fail for a variety of reasons. Let’s see some of them.
Immature parents
There are couples, men and women with clearly immature personalities that prevent them from properly raising children. Irresponsibility, inconsistency in educational standards, lack of pedagogical habits and strategies lead to very complicated situations with sometimes disastrous consequences.
Parents with a traumatic past
Some mothers and fathers bring up their children bearing the brunt of a traumatic past that is more than obvious. And sometimes even with the still painful memory of mistreatment, adversities or still open wounds. All this generally affects the quality of the child’s education. It is clear that not all situations are the same, but in general very extreme behaviors tend to arise.
There are parents who are unable to digest their own traumatic childhood and who project this lack of affection onto their children. Others, on the other hand, are still obsessed with this shadow of the past and over-protect their young.
Parents who project themselves onto their children
Broken dreams, unfinished projects, unfulfilled ideals, abandoned goals… All this frustration stored inside a parent finds hope at the birth of a child. This is when the foundations for a better project fall into place: making the little boy or girl succeed in doing what the father or mother wanted to achieve.
This educational dynamic completely neglects the needs of children. Their own wishes are denied, as are their childhood and adolescence. Here’s how parents can disappoint their children.
Parents who do not know how to meet the needs of their children
We cannot choose our parents. And our parents can’t choose us. Children are born with their own traits, their own personality, their own peculiarities and their needs. Knowing how to answer them in the best possible way is undoubtedly the greatest duty of a father or a mother.
On the other hand, neglecting these needs or forbidding them is an attack on the integrity of the little one. Often, after a child’s rebellious, revenge or defiant behavior, many deficiencies are not taken into account. The gaps are not filled and the gaping holes left by the education of these parents are getting bigger and bigger.
In conclusion, we know that disappointments are marks that, in some way, we all carry on us. Obviously, they are sometimes heavy and can easily crush us. However, these conscious or unconscious mistakes made by our parents do not have to limit our quality of life.
We have the power to forgive them or not. Knowing how to leave behind the weight of the past in order to move forward better in our present is however a primordial obligation. On the other hand, we must prevent these mistakes made by our progenitors from affecting the education of our own children. We can transform the past into an apprenticeship that will help us build the most beautiful future.
Our thoughts Daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up under a stifling shade and suffer significant trauma from a lack of a mother-child relationship …
