The More You Do For Certain People, The Less They Do For Themselves
The more you do for others, the happier you feel (or at least that’s what you think). You offer to help them and, if you have the power to relieve them from any suffering, even better. Even so, you may not be satisfied with your predisposition to make things easier for others in the end. The result is not what you expected. The more you do, the more you are irreparably disappointed.
You can’t save anyone. Only others can save themselves.
Life is not easy. Just look at all the difficult times that we have to face. These make us stronger and wiser. They allow us to mature and get to know each other better. If we didn’t have this opportunity to go through these times, we would never get rich. Regardless, this is what you want to do for the people you care about the most. Suffer for them and always reach out to them. You could even take their place if that was possible. But it is not.
Don’t stray from yourself
The more you do for others, the more you distance yourself from yourself. I don’t know for what reason, but there are certainly several. You don’t want to face your “me” and therefore focus on others. All the help you may need, you focus on others; all this tenderness and support that you seek to have and that you do not receive, you offer selflessly.
You may have realized it: you are projecting your needs. However, instead of dealing with them, you run away from them. How can you help others if you can’t help yourself? How dare you love someone when you are not able to love yourself? In order to be generous, you must first be generous with yourself. You will never be able to offer something that you have not cultivated. Even if you think you can.
When in your thoughts what you do for others becomes more important than what you do for yourself, you may not be aware that you have fallen into a wave of mistakes. These will not only impact you, but others as well. You won’t be able to build healthy relationships if you give your all but forget about yourself.
- In order to support other people, you must first support yourself personally : you seek to help the people you love, to carry them when they fall very low, to be their source of motivation when everyone else is exhausted. But how do you get there if you can’t do it on your own? You will eventually destroy yourself.
- Do not fall into addiction : you want others to depend on you to feel good and to get better. Maybe it is you who need to depend on others. This situation can never lead to a healthy relationship. Addiction hurts us much more than we think.
- You have to go first, and then the other people will follow: you cannot help someone if you have problems yourself or have difficulty solving. You must be # 1 on your list of concerns. Keep this in mind because it is very important. Sometimes we give over and over when we don’t even have the strength to do so.
Others have the power to choose
Sometimes the more you do for others, the more you limit their power to choose. That’s why, when you realize it, they surrendered in you. They stop fighting for their dreams, for their will to be well. This responsibility now rests entirely with you. Isn’t fighting for yourself enough? Now you live for two, three or more people.
Even if you have a friend who is in pain, they must decide whether they want to get stuck in this problem that is destroying them so much or not. All you can do is listen to them, give them your own point of view if they ask you to, and be there for them if they need it. But, decide for him / her? Tell him what to do? Suffer in his place? Never.
Our decisions mark the course of our life. There is no predetermined fate: we create our path based on our own choices. If anyone decides things for us, it will no longer be our path. And, since we are so human, we will eventually get lost.
It is for this reason that you did not receive anything from all these people that you wanted to help. They didn’t act the way you expected, you wanted some kind of recognition. You didn’t realize that you got involved in a life that is not yours. No one is going to give you a medal for having fought battles that are not yours.
Even if you don’t like to see someone in pain, sometimes it is necessary for that person.
It’s easier to let someone take the lead so that we can get carried away. However, this attitude will not bring us any benefit. We learn from our mistakes, from the people who hurt us, from all those moments that marked us. If we didn’t have to face all of these things, how would we appreciate the trust in a friend? How could we realize that the path to success is not a straight line but a road full of bends and speed bumps?
Whenever you are tempted to take over the reins of another person’s life, think about the fact that if you do this, that person will stop struggling for themselves. She will no longer need to face difficult situations, she will not learn anything from what happens to her. You will be there to make it easier for her. But this is not the reality. Instead of doing her a favor, you are pushing her into a world of fiction.
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