The Meaning Of Life Is Marked By Values, Not By Goals
What footprint would you like to leave when this is all over? Sometimes we feel like we are losing control. It looks like we are a big bus following the directions of the passengers accompanying us on the trip. We make the decisions that people around us recommend, and we end up taking streets that go in a totally different direction than our values.
We carry a backpack of insecurity which then weighs more and more heavy, and we leave our values in the gutter. We are not aware of the fact that time flies as quickly as a burning match, and that reversing is not always possible.
We take paths which do not satisfy us, which do not convince us and which put pressure on us. Paths that are pointed out to us from the outside, that we are repeated with insistence with phrases such as “It’s best for you”, “Believe me, it’s the right way”, “C ‘what you have to do now ” . And then one day you find yourself driving somewhere, and your hands are off the wheel no longer.
“In a way, we have come to the mistaken belief that we are nothing more than flesh and blood and bones. And that’s why we direct our values towards material things. ”
-Maya Angelou-
Values are life directions
To begin with, a value is not an outcome in itself, nor a goal. A value does not run out, it is always there. Values define the words you use to shape the theme of your life: acceptance, persistence, order, conformity, fairness or intimacy. A long list of directions that lets you decide which goals are really important to you.
Thus, a precious life is the result of actions in the service of certain values. The problem is that we often do not know how to identify these values and their link with our dimensions of life. There are nine main dimensions that make up our life: family relationships, intimate or couple relationships, social relationships, work, education, leisure, spirituality, citizenship and health.
“Maturity comes when a person replaces immediate pleasures with long-term values.”
-Joshua Loth Liebman-
To each dimension we give a level of importance and we act each time differently to resolve the obstacles that arise. However, the catch is that the solutions we employ often do not coincide with our principles. That’s why we do things we regret or get stuck in when making decisions. All of this leads us to feelings of exhaustion, overwhelm and confusion.
Regrets made too late
Bronnie Ware, a Canadian nurse, has collected in recent years the last regrets of patients in the palliative care unit of the hospital where she works. An article published later in the Harvard Business Review confirmed his conclusions: there are 5 regrets that are repeated in people who are about to die:
- I wish I had lived a life that was true to myself and not to what others wanted.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and enjoyed my partner and family for longer.
- I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.
- I should have contacted my friends no longer.
- I would have liked to be happier.
“Happiness is the state of consciousness that comes from the success of one’s own values.”
-Ayn Rand-
People regret having let go of the reins of their life, wasting time with loved ones, not speaking out to avoid conflict with others or out of fear. We are stuck in poor conformism. We lock ourselves into our routine and let go of the time and effort that really deserve what is important to us.
Happiness is a choice, the fear of change binds us to habits that do not lead to satisfaction. We spend more time making others think we are happy than we really are.
You choose where to go
Know that the key is in anticipating frustration, in finding values and setting goals that make sense on the path we choose. Psychology professionals help people move from speech to action. The first step is to identify your values and their hierarchy according to the moment in life you are going through.
From there, short and long term goals are established. That is, values form the pillars on which we mark goals throughout life. Goals that really give us meaning and which give us the opportunity to surpass ourselves and feel more at ease.
Later, we concretize and plan these goals into actions. This is the part that scares the most because of the difficulties we anticipate. Making changes creates insecurity in us and we want to flee at all costs so as not to face it. In psychology, one works during this process to overcome obstacles and barriers. Know that there is no greater well-being than that which we obtain through our own choices.
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-Dalai Lama-
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