Selfish People Are Incapable Of Loving Themselves

We often think of selfish people as narcissists. It is the idea that these people only care about themselves, that they only value and love themselves above all else.

However, the reality is quite different. Selfish people have difficulty loving others but also loving themselves. 

Of course, in appearance, a selfish person is a person who is only interested in himself.

She lacks respect and interest in the needs of others, she relates to others primarily out of interest, and through the benefits she can derive from them.

These people therefore establish relationships that instrumentalize others to cover their needs, regardless of their emotional component.

It can happen, however, for fear of getting too involved in relationships and coming out bruised, what they really do is run away from love.

The selfish person does not get satisfaction when he gives, and his concern is based only on the energy centered on himself, and on the love that he has for himself. However, all of these acts show that she suffers from not being able to love herself.

“She doesn’t see beyond herself; she judges everyone according to her usefulness; she is simply unable to love. Doesn’t this prove that caring for others and for oneself are inevitable alternatives? It would be so if selfishness and self-love were the same thing. But such an assumption is precisely the deception that has led to so many wrong conclusions about our problems. ”

-Erich Fromm-

Being selfish is the opposite of self-love

We often tend to confuse self-esteem with selfishness. The person who loves himself is far from being a selfish person.

There are very marked contexts in which one shows more real concern for oneself, as well as for others.

When we immerse ourselves in our own knowledge of ourselves, we begin to understand others better.

Self-knowledge is the only way to be aware of all of our limitations and lack of acceptance, and all of the fears underlying our behavior.

To love oneself in order to be able to love

It is a sine qua non condition : to love yourself first in order to be able to love others.

Listening to your own needs and giving them the value they deserve, supposes respect towards oneself, essential to learn to love oneself.

Taking into account our emotions by expressing and accepting them makes us more authentic people, more able to socialize with privacy and confidence.

We betray ourselves by thinking that we love

Just as the selfish person is incapable of loving, the person who is obsessed with others, who is fully devoted to those around him and who disconnects from himself, is also incapable of loving.

In this case, we believe that we feel so much love that we are able to give up our own needs.

This example is evident in over-protective mothers and in people who forget themselves to pay attention only to others, and make themselves available to them when they need it. These are people who “turn their jackets” according to the needs of others and who make them their own.

This way of loving is found in selfless people, who are willing to give without return, and who love others more than themselves.

However, it is as deceptive as that of the selfish, who are believed to love only themselves. These two ways of loving are a “self-deception” where in fact, we over compensate this inability to love.

As we can verify in selfish people and in people who neglect themselves, these are two ways of being where love for oneself does not exist, and where, therefore, love for others. others cannot take shape.