Protecting And Being Protected: A Source Of Happiness
We all need to be able to count on people around us who provide us with support. Human beings go through times when they feel fragile and understand that they need to be protected. It is a basic necessity that is present from our birth until our death.
The desire and the need to be protected do not always have the same intensity. Obviously, they become stronger when we are in a state of obvious vulnerability. When we get sick or when we walk in an unfamiliar place, for example. In short, when we are faced with a situation that involves a risk.
The basic need to be protected also increases when our emotional state is fragile, even if there is no external risk. In times of insecurity, despair or anguish, the need to be able to count on people and to know circumstances that make us feel safe increases. Basically, we all know that. But do we sow and consolidate these presences and these protective bonds in our life?
The genesis of the feeling of protection
In reality, there is a difference between being protected and feeling protected. Sometimes these two realities go hand in hand. Other times, no. Feeling protected supposes having the subjective certainty of being supported in order to get out of those situations in which our own strength is not enough. Being protected refers to something more concrete: activating these supports.
It is a very comforting feeling to feel protected. It is born during the first years of our life and depends largely on our mother. It is during this stage that we are granted this seal of protection.
The presence of the mother or of a reference figure who takes care of us gives us a feeling of omnipotence during this first stage. As if nothing could happen to us. Obviously, anything can happen to us, but we don’t have that impression. The opposite is also happening. If this mother is absent, the entire universe seems to threaten us. This feeling, or at least part of that feeling, remains etched into how we relate to others and to the world as we grow up.
Being protected: a matter of links
When a being grows up feeling protected, he learns to believe in himself and to trust others. He therefore easily manages to establish bonds of closeness and affection with others. On the other hand, if he carries with him a mark of lack of protection, it will be difficult for him to overcome his fear of bonding emotionally to others.
The mark of lack of protection also complicates one thing: finding a balance in how to protect others. Either we find a certain negligence in the care that we can lavish on others, or it is an excessive jealousy that appears.
This can push us to build a shell in the face of the world. This would be a way of replacing the protection that we did not receive. We look for places that are not threatening and we take refuge there, refusing to leave them. A job, an addiction, a relationship… Anything that can prevent us from feeling this feeling of being in danger. However, the price to pay is very high.
Routines and protective relationships
If we carry this feeling within us that we have not been sufficiently protected, that does not mean that there is nothing more to do. Quite the contrary: we can do a lot of things. First of all, realize that we have this emptiness within us and that it makes us more vulnerable to fear, insecurity and withdrawal. It takes courage not to let yourself be consumed by these feelings, but it is possible to do so.
It is important to recognize the importance of forming protective bonds with others. To give what we don’t have. Sometimes you learn when you have to teach. The same thing happens with this feeling of being protected. If you learn to protect other people, your emptiness will likely decrease. And you will be able to achieve reciprocity with others.
It is therefore necessary to create routines, forms of life that allow you to remove this feeling of exclusion that accompanies those who have not been sufficiently protected. Being part of a stable group also becomes a way to increase your feeling of confidence in the world.
Building a fortress around you and isolating yourself is not a good idea. You won’t feel more confident and experience that feeling of protection. Quite the contrary. Your fears and your precautions will grow. Even if you are scared, you have to open this door and let the sun rays in.
Our thoughts At present there exists a new and particular social label called “mom agenda”.
