Love, Even If Battles Are Fought, Is Not A War
Love, even if battles are fought, is not a war. Although there are clashes, the other is never the enemy. This other can be ourselves, when we scold ourselves for ruining everything. That other, in this case another, may be the person sharing our bed. She steals the sheets from us and takes away little by little and without hiding the space that belongs to us under all the layers of clothing with which we try to protect ourselves from the cold.
A struggle as icy as it is accomplice, which feeds on the sharing of dreams and hopes. Nightmares, despair and failures too. Indeed, it is through sharing that bonding is born. A complicity that allows battles, but not wars.
The path to perfect empathy
Battles in which everything is not allowed. The tickling always, the caresses also. resentment is a weapon that gets stuck. We forgive and we forget . We delete and we proceed to new accounts. And if they do not match, one, as a last resort, agrees, knowing that this hand, however powerful it is, is not the best. Ace poker is really about the other person not ending up injured. So, before the breakup is irreversible, logic prompts us to kneel down and give thanks.
Thank you for having the other. Let’s count on him. Even if we sometimes have the feeling that he does not understand us and that with him we form a perfect Tower of Babel. This happens with our spouses, but also with our parents, friends or children. No matter how much empathy we show, its perfect implementation is impossible.
They can’t do it, but neither can we. Yes, we do, although sometimes we have the feeling that we are touching it with our fingertips. That our efforts are great in this regard does not guarantee that we will achieve this. To think that we have reached it is as certain a mirage as the water gushing from the sands of the desert.
So that … when we fail to do so it is only with an acceptable amount of error (the other does not achieve it with an acceptable amount of error) and we are not guilty (it is not is not guilty). Effort influences the outcome, opens up more possibilities, brings us closer to honesty, but rarely ensures a result.
And how many conflicts threaten to turn into war given the feeling that the other is not making enough effort? How fragile our memory is when it comes to remembering times when the other person was paying attention. The same red pen – which we sometimes use to note the shortcomings – is the same one which then signs our sentence. The one who builds this obstacle brick by brick which will end up being definitive. It is then that communication breaks down and love dissolves into the routine like sugar in coffee. Slowly, but without being able to stop it.
War wounds run deep, often fatal
Because getting love back when war has been declared is a very complicated task. The other ends up becoming the enemy, someone to overcome and dominate. Many people think that at this point everything will end when we raise our arms, but then there will probably be nothing left. The once fertile land will now be arid and unprotected. Everything will have been used up and no one wants to keep playing with someone who is cheating, no one wants someone who reminds them of the worst of them. On one side or the other, losing or losing, this rupture results from the fact of having actually fired with the eyes closed, for having threatened with the loaded pistol.
For having forgotten that a solid love never ceases to be delicate and fragile at the same time.
Strong, but sensitive.
Because when love turns into war, that love shatters, tears, and becomes a fiery, sharp brand, capable of splitting us into very small pieces. This is why it is so important not to take the first one, or to denigrate the statements of the other. We can then decide to continue and build, or to break the relationship, but it is best not to choose to destroy ourselves because, ultimately and selfishly, we will be the ones who end up drowning in our own pain.
Our thoughts We have all known doubts in love. Maintaining a relationship requires sensitivity, attention and sometimes a lot of patience …
