Lack Of Patience With Children: Why?

Lack of patience with children is an evil that affects many parents. There are also many who do not know why this is happening to them, when they adore their children and want only the best for them. In truth, one does not exclude the other.

When you become a parent without resolving some internal knots or using inadequate strategies to deal with parenthood, this problem occurs. It is very common for a lack of patience with children to lead to unfair behavior which then provokes blame.

It also creates discomfort in children. And sometimes, oddly enough, it encourages behaviors that are even more intolerable for their parents.

This particularly affects young children, although it can often affect adolescents as well. Why is this lack of patience with children setting in? How can we fix it? This is what we will see in the rest of this article.

Lack of patience with children: the causes

Roughly speaking, the lack of patience with children reflects a latent anger towards them or what they represent. In other words, impatience is a manifestation of something deeper and which generates a state of dissatisfaction, frustration or unease.

There can be several reasons for lack of patience with children. They are as follows:

• The lack of clarity in the distribution of roles to be fulfilled. This happens when the role of parent is taken on without knowing what it means. We think it is something natural, about which there is nothing to learn, when it is not.

• Parenthood becomes an obstacle to the fulfillment of individual desires. Mother, father or both want to set up projects that require time and parenthood is seen as a burden in this regard.
• The couple’s relationship is not good. Children are sometimes seen as a source of conflict in the couple. To this extent, they end up being seen as an obstacle to the pleasure of living together.
• The patterns are repeated. Those who have been brought up under conditions of mistreatment or recklessness tend to repeat these patterns, if they have not done an elaborate work on it.
• There are impulse control issues. Sometimes the problem is that there is a lack of understanding and control over one’s own emotions, not only with children, but in life in general.

• The child is rejected. This usually happens subconsciously and doesn’t mean the parents are monsters. They just haven’t accepted their motherhood or fatherhood, for whatever reason, even though they love their cubs.

Decode anger

Lack of patience with children is a symptom and should be seen as such. This means that the question to be answered is not this, but what is behind it. This implies a work of reflection and honesty with oneself, in order to identify the cause (s) of this situation.

A good place to start is to start by thinking about the reasons that motivated parents to become parents. It is not always the result of a plan, and it does not always happen at the most convenient time. This can be at the origin of intolerance towards this person who exists and demands a place in the life of his parents.

It is also helpful to think about the state of the couple’s relationship and suggested parenting guidelines. Where do these guidelines come from? What are they based on? Do they really work?

Emergency measures

Thinking can take time, but it is very important to do it, because only then can you get to the heart of the matter. In the meantime, there are steps worth considering to moderate the lack of patience with your children. You can try the following:

• Do not talk or play in times of great anger. Anger resolves on its own and only causes us to make mistakes. It is better to wait a while before doing or saying something.

• Don’t try to control everything. It is important to accept that during the time of child rearing there will hardly be times when we have full control of the situation. There are realities that do not meet expectations, so it is better to play them down.
• Ask for help. If parenting is seen as a burden overwhelming your energy, it is best to seek help from your partner, friends, or someone else.
• Observe. It is a good idea to take note of the times and reasons that trigger anger, as well as the behavior of children in this regard.

In addition, it is good to chat with your partner and agree on parenting guidelines and the division of labor. It is also worth learning about the best strategies for raising children.

Our thoughts

Impatience is dangerously close to anxiety. We tackle the subject here. Find out how to deal with impatience.