How To Take The Blows? (in Memory Of Bernabé Tierno)

A few days ago, psychologist and author Barnabé Tierno passed away. He was 75 years old and he battled bone cancer and lung metastases with the strength and wisdom he himself passed on in his works.

Barnabé Tierno has published over 60 books, in addition to all the lectures and courses he has dictated.

For all that it has given me on a professional and personal level, today I am writing this article to pay tribute to one of the most prestigious psychologists in Spain.

I remember “Mental Karate” as one of the books that influenced me the most.

When I read it, I was surprised to realize how much we human beings have to control our own minds, and therefore to control our reactions and emotions.

We believe that we are at the mercy of outside elements like our couple, our high school mates, our family or our boss, but we are slaves to them because we choose to be.

Barnabas teaches us in this work the power of emotional intelligence, and especially that of words to change almost all problematic circumstances.

For this he drew inspiration from Eastern wisdom and philosophy, conveying the message that with prudence, patience and peace, we obtain many more victories than with strength.

The engine of change is love and positivity. 

It has been scientifically shown that a toxic word, bad news, or negative language can cause as much damage as physical assault, and conversely, positive, invigorating words can act as a balm.

The problem is that in our society we are increasingly surrounded by toxic people, stress and pain, caused mainly by ourselves.

So that’s why it’s important to become a mental karateka.

Being a mental karateka is all about learning to be rock solid, so that we can be aware that the key is within us for whether or not toxicity affects us.

It is clear that we cannot control the thoughts or actions of others, but on the other hand, we can control our own.

The key is to disarm the toxic person, that infantile, immature person who wants to project their problems and bitterness onto us.

Barnabas teaches us that we have a powerful antidote for dealing with these impossible people. It’s about showing them that they have no power over us, and that they are not going to control our feelings or our lives.

Bitter and toxic people need others to be too.

“The luminosity you generate disturbs those who live in the dark”

Barnabas emphasizes the management of emotions as a key to personal growth. From quiet, calm and peace, we get almost everything and it is from stress and impulsiveness that projects fail, as do relationships with others and our own sanity. Let’s stop self-boycotting ourselves.

So it is very important to learn to be emotionally intelligent, to let go of the primary and visceral forms which do not solve anything, but which cause even more problems, and to replace them with empathy, understanding and tenderness.

With practice, nothing and no one will have the power to bother you or make you get into anger. You will be master of yourself, not depending on the thoughts and words of your enemy.

The concept we need to be clear about is “I win – you win.” It is not about plunging us into imaginary competitions, nor about defeating someone.

It is about accepting the other as a valid person who has their own convictions and beliefs and that although we do not share them, we can understand them.

If we are sure of ourselves, we will know how to recognize when the other is right and we will know how to accept that we make mistakes,  because this is the way of learning.

Likewise, we will know how to approach each problem calmly and quietly, without ever losing control.

Surprisingly, with this attitude, we will gain more love, empathy and understanding from others.

A good mental karateka knows very clearly what he wants and what he wants. He is firm in his convictions, but he also knows how to put himself in the place of others and he is gentle in form.

Practice the “law of the reverse”, that is, in the face of fury and anger, apply the opposite method: a serene face, good manners and a firm look.

Our inner peace is so important that we cannot lose it in the face of another person’s reactions.

If you want to be a good mental karateka and not be intimidated by the infantile reactions of others, I recommend that you read this book and practice the ideas stated in it.

Maybe with this philosophy you will start to change your life, like the day it changed mine.

Rest in peace, maestro.