How To Know When To Claim And When To Let Things Go
Aggression is one of the least understood and least well managed instincts. In general, it has a negative connotation. Despite everything, it is part of the survival tools and is therefore fundamental. One of the situations in which this judgmental dilemma takes shape is when we have to make a claim.
Very often we wonder if, by claiming, we will be hypersensitive to something that is not worth it or if it is a really important thing that we cannot let pass. Elucidating this point is not easy. It depends on a subjective assessment that fluctuates according to our mood and not according to objective reality.
The dilemma of whether or not to claim may be more important than it seems. When it is necessary to make a complaint, if we don’t, we imply that others can do whatever they want with us. And when we ask for something that is not worth it, we can experience unnecessary conflict. If this involves an important situation, these two choices could be decisive.
Tips for knowing when to claim
The question is: what are the criteria that we must apply to know whether it is appropriate to claim, in the face of a situation that bothers us or hurts us? The first thing to consider is implicit in this question: it is not always recommended to make a claim, whether on a personal or corporate level.
In principle, we can say that claiming is inevitable when:
- It concerns a basic or fundamental right. In this case, one should never remain silent. Not claiming in these circumstances opens a door to disrespect and consideration.
- When an illness has effects which are not only immediate but which condition your well-being in the medium and long term. In this case, not claiming means prolonging an adverse effect on us.
- If you willfully violate an agreement or pact. If an agreement is made and it is broken, that is a valid reason for protesting. This implies a change in the rules of the game. If one does not make a complaint, the new standards are accepted, even if they are detrimental for some.
- When we undermine dignity. This can be done verbally, physically or symbolically. We must not accept such a situation. To remain silent or to remain inactive is equivalent to legitimizing this action.
When should we not claim?
Just as certain criteria should push us to claim, others give us leads on these situations where claims are too many. One of them is when someone harms us or touches us unintentionally. The intention to do harm was not present; the circumstances led the person to unintentionally injure another. So, why claim?
It is also not adequate to claim when our ego or our vanity is affected. For example, when we are not invited to a group activity in which we wanted to participate. Or when we are not treated like royalty, without treating us badly. In these cases, the embarrassment comes from a narcissistic wound that we must overcome, rather than claiming it.
One of the cases where we should never complain is when we have done someone a favor and wait for them to do it when that person has not signed up. If there is no prior agreement, everyone has the right to render the service or not. Everyone does what they want.
Claiming is also an art
When we decide that it is appropriate to claim, that does not mean that we have to start a violent conflict. There is indeed a conflict, yes, because we have arrived at a situation in which one of the people acts to the detriment of the other. However, there should be no aggression or unwillingness to solve the problem.
It is better to make a complaint when the discomfort is not on edge. If we are harmed, it leads to frustration. Our anger may be justified, but very often it does not allow us to deal with the situation in an appropriate way. It is therefore preferable to calm down before claiming.
The next step is to state your complaint very clearly. And indicate which aspect you reject, while explaining the causes. You have to say why it is harmful to our rights or our covenants. Request or demand an explanation and, if appropriate, an apology or a claim for the damage caused. All of this can be done without you having to get angry. There is nothing like serenity to solve this type of difficulty.
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