Helicopter Fathers And Diary Mothers, Parents Who Run The Lives Of Their Children

We call helicopter fathers and diary mothers those progenitors who wish to control and organize their children’s lives in its entirety.

They act with the best of intentions, but they considerably limit their freedom.

A helicopter dad and a diary mom constantly reviews the tasks, homework, exams and activities of his children, always setting goals and systematically scheduling every minute of the little one’s life.

They are the guardians of each data and each obligation (academic or not) which concern the child, generating in them a dynamic of genuine dependence.

As a result, children find it difficult to learn to take responsibility for their activities, obligations and interests.

These helicopter fathers and agendas mothers who make empty children

With this attitude of overprotection and with the aim of creating a bubble of predefined characteristics, we stimulate the “growth” of children who do not know themselves, who are not able to regulate their emotions and who ignore the needs and needs. ambitions.

This bond between parents and children is toxic because it locks children in a hyper-protective bubble that seeks maximum resistance, while it is the best seed of insecurity that we can plant in them.

These children are over-stimulated, they cannot tolerate frustration or boredom since they only know how to play the passive role to which they have been accustomed.

These parents, in their desire to protect their children from any ill-being and to help them become brilliant, detail every little movement of their “bubble child”.

The origin of the term dates back to 1969, when Haim Ginnott wrote the book: “Between Parent & Teenager” ( “Between parent and teenager”) .

This phenomenon has been socially widespread, and psychologists have found that parents blame their children’s poor grades on teachers.

Helicopter Fathers and Diary Moms do the following:

• They make decisions for their children in all areas of their lives.
• They watch every movement and try to satisfy their children in every detail and immediately.
• They resolve their children’s conflicts on their own and always try to give them solutions.

• They speak in the plural: “We must study this theme”, “The teacher gave us too much homework!” Etc.

This obsessive need to have everything under control ends up being devastating for parents, who end up exhausted.

They try to offer their children a life full of perfection, love and care, giving them all the resources they can access and preventing them from making mistakes, which they should nevertheless make on sight. of their age.

But reality always prevails and the bouncy castles are deflating. These kinds of relationships end up suffocating everyone. Both parties end up frustrated and exhausted, generating great complexes and emotional problems.

Hyper-fatherhood that leads to depression and anxiety

According to some studies, putting this hyper-protective style of education into practice has negative consequences in the short, medium and long term: depression, stress and anxiety.  A price that children will not be alone to pay. Parents too.

This deterioration stems from the alteration of three basic emotional needs: the feeling of autonomy, the feeling of having skills and the feeling of feeling connected to other people, especially in adolescence and with peers.

Thus, anything that limits personal development and fulfillment has devastating consequences at the personal and relational level.

It is necessary to educate the children with tenderness and attention, by judging the capacities of each one on the common sense.

We cannot store ourselves in the different spheres of their life or take responsibility for their obligations, because they will feel useless, incompetent and dependent. And that is precisely what we do not want.

Illustrations by Karin Taloyr and Claudia Tremblay