Desiderative Thinking: When We Only See What We Want To See

We are continually making decisions that have to do with our work, our relationships… But, do you think that all these decisions are rational and logical? Sometimes we are not aware that our thought is a desiderative thought, that is, a thought where our desires take pride of place.

When we desire an object or a situation, for example to achieve a goal or to buy a house that we want at all costs and that we only think about, we send a signal to our brain to tell it that something is missing. All the decisions we make from this point on will be influenced by this desire.

So what is happening with reality? It changes for us, depending on what we want and we see everything that happens “our way”. It is not difficult to imagine the amount of problems this can bring, not only in the area of ​​relationships, but also in the sphere of work. Reality is as it is and although we want to see it through other eyes, that is not going to change.

Thought becomes a slave to desire

It may sound extreme, but the thought becomes a slave to this desire that is in our mind, especially if this desire is very great. When this happens, even though we think we are making very rational decisions, it is not true. We no longer see the real reality, we see what we want to see.

Desiderative thinking is based on illusion and fantasy. No matter what really happens, if we take the wrong path, if we do not treat others well, if we make mistakes … We cannot see anything other than this path because we visualize a world apart, a world imaginary and we make it real in our mind.

While desiderative thinking can be a form of motivation, it is also a way of avoiding a situation that we do not like. For example, imagine that in a relationship – in which everything is bad – we want everything to continue as before, when everything was going well. Our thinking takes the memories of that time when happiness reigned, brings them back to the present and imagines that the relationship still works that way.

We live in a fantasy without seeing it, and without being aware we close our eyes to what is happening. In reality, we are pretending. We end up focusing on ourselves, our own desire, and forgetting about others. This causes serious problems in those around us.

The pitfalls of desiderative thinking

We must be aware that desiderative thinking never arises from reality, but what we wish does happen. However, being realistic is necessary in order not to fall into certain traps that can cause serious problems in our life. Here are some of them:

• You focus on the goal and not on the process : you are not able to see the mistakes you make, what you are doing wrong and which will lead you to failure, if you do not rectify it. What you so desire can sometimes backfire when you are in total denial.
• You don’t check if what you want is doable : when we have a goal or a dream, the first thing we have to do is check if it is viable so as not to strive in vain and to avoid disappointments. Desiderative thinking prevents this evaluation and makes us deploy means and resources for goals that are beyond our reach.
• You are frustrated and disappointed  : Desiderate thinking causes you to live in a world of fantasies which, as such, is not real. Suddenly, when you no longer have a choice and you have to bow to reality, you are completely frustrated and disappointed. If your desire is very strong, you risk continuing in that direction, and the situation will gradually wear you out.

If we live in this world of fantasy for too long, there will come a time when we will no longer be able to distinguish what is real and what is not. There will be times in our interpersonal relationships when others will try to make us open our eyes. It will be like a slap in the face that will make you sad. Don’t appeal to fantasies again to make yourself feel better.

We are in a real world from which we cannot escape, however much we want to. If you don’t open your eyes, situations and people will open them to you. But it’s better if you do it on your own, if you don’t want to end up completely destroyed by the dreams you’ve been immersed in for so long, a lie that you believed to be real.

Desiderative thinking is very comfortable. Thanks to her, we feel at ease, in the very place where we want to be. But, it also turns us into cowardly people who run away from reality and everything we don’t want to accept.